To conclude our study of conflict and how to recognize, refrain and resolve it, let’s review a letter that addresses the three types of conflict we’ve highlighted. In the book of Philemon, Paul makes an appeal to his brother in the Colossian church on behalf of Onesimus, a slave who left Philemon and later met Paul. Paul’s letter to Philemon touches on the three major areas of conflict from our study and provides us with another perspective on resolving conflict from Paul’s ministry.
…I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains. Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me.
Philemon :10-11 New International Version (NIV)
First, Paul confronts the issue of Onesimus’ sin and the need for repentance. Onesimus violated the law and also personally sinned against Philemon, his master, by leaving without his permission. Also, Paul implies that he may have taken something from Philemon, but doesn’t specify if this involved taking things belonging to his master or taking away time as his servant – replacing a servant was expensive. In the letter, Paul mentions that he was sending Onesimus back to Philemon: though he was useful to Paul in his ministry, Paul was compelled to return him to Philemon for more useful service not only as a servant but as a brother (v. 16). Note that Onesimus’ name means “useful”, and the play on words may have been Paul’s way of easing the tension of the situation where Philemon could have understandably felt angry or bitter.
So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back—not to mention that you owe me your very self.
Philemon :17-19 (New International Version (NIV)
Paul’s appeal to Philemon also is on the basis of their relationship, highlighting the need to resolve personal issues that bring conflict. Paul asks Philemon to “welcome him as you would welcome me” (v. 17) and to “do even more than I ask” (v. 21) due to Paul’s confidence that Philemon would forgive Onesimus. Paul reminds Philemon that he served him by sharing the gospel and therefore that he “owes me your very self” (v. 19). While the situation could have led to a break in Philemon’s relationship with Paul over Onesimus, Paul’s appeal to their relationship helps with forgiveness and preventing potential differences.
Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends you greetings. And so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow workers.
Philemon :23-24 New International Version (NIV)
The letter says much about the issues of forgiveness in Paul’s appeal to Philemon, along with repentance in Onesimus’ returning to his master and now fellow brother, but it also tells a story of unity. In a reference near the end of the letter, Paul sends Philemon greetings from Epaphras, then also “Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow workers”. Luke is known to be a companion of Paul on his journeys and the author of the New Testament books of Luke and Acts. Aristarchus and Demas were from Colosse, in the same church as Philemon. Paul also mentions Mark as a fellow worker and a companion while Paul was in prison in Rome writing this letter. This is the same Mark called John Mark, cousin of Barnabas and the one Paul refused to take on their journey after the Council in Jerusalem (Acts 15:36-41). We don’t know what happened with John Mark originally when he left Paul leading to the dispute with Barnabas, but learn from 2 Timothy 4:11 that Paul instructs Timothy to get Mark and bring him to Paul, calling him “useful to me for ministry” (ESV – note the word “useful”, the same Greek word as Paul use in Philemon 11 to describe Onesimus). This could be because of his experiences as a young man with Peter (John Mark’s mother was the Mary whose house Peter fled to in Acts) and his ability to write (he’s thought to be the author of the book of Mark). In Paul’s letter to the Colossian church, likely written and delivered at the same time as the letter to Philemon, Paul asks the Colossian church to welcome Mark if he comes to them (Colossians 4:10), which presumably means Paul is commending Mark to the church. Previously the church would have known of Paul’s dispute with Barnabas and that he did not commend Mark since the area of Galatia and Colosse was among the places Paul visited soon after the dispute. That Paul now was with John Mark in Rome writing to Philemon in Colosse telling him to greet Mark shows that Paul had found a new unity with Mark which likely extended to unifying the churches in the region. It may also have included other churches, perhaps even Barnabas and the churches he visited after Paul parted with him. The Bible doesn’t comment on that, but I’d like to think that Paul and Barnabas resolved their dispute and served in unity later in their ministries.
The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.
Philemon :25 New International Version (NIV)
Conflict is part of our lives as disciples. We need to have convictions about resolving it to make sure that we give our brothers and sisters, and ourselves, every opportunity to repent of sin, that we build our relationships through true forgiveness and that we reach unity despite matters that could divide us.