Introduction:
Let’s get it out there: Motherhood is not always unicorns and fairy dust! It is hard work!Yes – there are struggles! Yes – you get thrown up on and peed on! Yes – you get calls from school about behavior, inattention, schoolwork issues! Yes – there are never-ending needs! Yes – there are days when it’s hard to maintain perspective and not go running out the door screaming. BUT – Yes – motherhood is one of the greatest joys God has given us. It’s all about how we look at it.
Understanding Joy:
To really begin to understand motherhood as a pure joy, we really need to understand what joy really means. To the world, joy is based on what we have, what we are given, how well things are going for us, and as parents, how good (and smart!) our children are. We are joyful when they are happy and doing us proud, behaving in the grocery line, scoring the winning goal and performing at the head of their class.
The scriptures, however, tell us that our joy should not be based on circumstances and events. There is a difference between happiness and joy; the truth is, happiness is dictated by circumstances, but joy is dictated by faith. It is deeper and more foundational. Look at Galatians 5:22:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”
Galatians 5:22
These gifts are listed in a specific order because each is built upon and flows from the previous gift. Notice that love is listed first and then joy comes right after it.
Love in this passage is ‘agape’ – perfect love. It is a love for God and others that we can only understand as a result of receiving God’s perfect love first. Jesus says in John:
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in His love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.”
John 15:9-11
Our joy comes from the perfect love God has for us – his unconditional love that knows us intimately, forgives our sins, and protects and blesses us always. This is God’s perfect love. And since this love is perfect, we can be joyful no matter what is going on in any given day, week or month. This is the complete love Jesus is talking about. We know there is an end to trials and struggles, because God’s love promises this. Even when our children aren’t being the ‘perfect angels’ we would love them to be, or when our children’s lives are filled with trials, God’s love for us helps us to be joyful with them.
“Consider it pure joy, my (sisters), whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
James 1:2-4
And isn’t this what motherhood requires? Perfect love, complete joy, and perseverance?
Questions: Are you confident enough in God’s perfect love so as to live in a state of joy, even when circumstances and situations of motherhood are challenging or even scary?
How do we filter out the difficult and challenging aspects of motherhood, and let the joy rise to the top? Let’s take some examples from the life of Mary, the Mother of Jesus to help us figure it out.
Four Ways to Find the Joy
1) Remember Who Your Father is.
The gospel of Luke tells us that after Mary is visited by the angel Gabriel, she immediately goes to share her news with her cousin Elizabeth (the mother of John the Baptist). At that time, she sings/prays a song of praise known as the ‘Magnifcat’ – a song that magnifies the Lord. In Luke 1:46-55 –
“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me – holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants for ever, just as he promised our ancestors.
Luke 1:46-55
Mary knew the scriptures well – there are 15 quotes or references from the OT in this passage. If she knew this, she also knew the prophecies about the Messiah – where he would come from, what his life, mission, and sacrifice would be. She went into her pregnancy knowing what her child would face. Yet – she chose to follow and obey, rather than give in to fear and insecurity. Mary knew who her Father was, and that her Father was her Son’s Father as well. She trusted implicitly in God’s power and goodness because she knew his history and that he kept his promises. This joy was based in solid knowledge and understanding of God, and closeness to him. Mary knew the life her son would lead, and consequently, the life she would lead because he was the son of God. Yet her joy was that God would protect, provide, and fulfill his promises.
Questions: Do you have the same kind of assurance and joy that comes from a deep, strong relationship with God? Are you rejoicing in being used by him to raise a child for him, whatever the path of that child might be? Do you trust that he will fulfill his promises to you? Or do you give in to the fears that the world puts on our doorstep? Have you forgotten who your child’s ‘Grandpa’ is?
On a personal note: I am so thankful I had women who prayed with me and for me during my pregnancy and when I had my children. These women showed me scriptures, helped me with my fear and lopsided thinking, and reminded me that God would always love my children even more than I did. I encourage you to find older women to be your mentors – to ask advice from, get comfort from, and learn from. There are so many amazing moms in the church whose children are grown, who would now love to be your ‘village’, to pass on their wisdom and their love to you and your children.
2) Don’t Bury the Treasure.
For most moms of young children, it’s easy to get lost in the day to day difficulties, questions, and sometimes chaos. (You know – the spilled milk, injuries, throwing up, defiance, constant questions, fevers, hearing “Momma, momma, momma” over and over, etc.)
The challenge when facing all these difficult things, and countless others, is to find the Treasure. Look at the following two passages. The first takes place after the shepherds bow down and worship Jesus in the manger.
“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”
Luke 2:19
And later, (after Jesus goes missing for 3 days, and Mary asks why Jesus has worried them and treated them without consideration) we read in Luke:
“Then he went down to Jerusalem and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.”
Luke 2:51-52
Mary’s secret to joy was to find the treasure, no matter what the circumstances. In a manger, cold and probably hungry, surrounded by smelly animals, she looks around to take in the scene and remember it. The peace and joy of the shepherds and angels encourage and strengthen her. When Jesus is found after disappearing from the Feast, Mary again treasures all the aspects of the situation, despite the stress and fear it caused. She creates a memory book in her heart.
Mary recognizes that her life will be full of good and bad when she is raising the son of God. Yet, she focuses and remembers the different events and circumstances that will eventually make him who he is to become – the Savior of the world. Whether or not the situations are easy, she adds them to the treasure chest in her heart to ponder (consider) them in the larger context of understanding her son’s mission.
As we go through the days with our children, we are all dealing with very different situations. Some of our children have severe illnesses or disabilities. Some struggle socially or in school. Some are feisty and independent, leading to all kinds of interesting situations. Our gut instinct might be to bury the difficult times, or just move past them as quickly as possible. But ust as he chose Mary to raise his son, God has chosen each of us for the exact situation we are in. It is important to treasure all the moments, even the difficult ones. Trying to see the immediate in the context of the entire life of your child can help to grow your own faith, patience and perseverance, and also give you a picture of what God’s plan for your child might be.
Questions: Do you fear and try to avoid mistakes, hard times, and God’s discipline for us and our children? Remember that every circumstance and situation plays into a bigger picture that will fill their entire lives.
Have you ever seen a beautiful, wall-sized tapestry. The front (the part we display) is beautiful, full of rich colors and scenery. But when we turn it over, we see knots, mixed colors and mistakes. How is God weaving your child’s tapestry? Find a way to record the treasure – in your heart, on paper, on audio tape – whatever works to help you remember.
3) Turn Your Child in (To God).
“On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.” “Woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.” They did so and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.” What Jesus did in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.
Luke 2:1-11
I’ve read this passage in the past thinking that Mary used this event to go ahead and give Jesus the nudge to begin being the Son of God – that maybe he wasn’t ready and she had to push him forward. But I’ve recently begun to look at this in a new way.
I’ve become convinced that Jesus knew his first miracle would take place here; he knew all things, so changing water into wine was already in God’s plan and his. But this wasn’t Mary empowering him to act. I believe this was Mary’s way of letting God take over her son’s life. She was taking a step back so that God could move forward and take hold of her child’s life and use it in a way that was pleasing to him.
It can be a scary thing to step back and let God take over control of our children. Now this doesn’t mean abandoning every responsibility. We are still responsible for basic upbringing and needs. But we need to allow God into their lives to mold and teach them, in order for Him to grow their faith. This could come in the form of input from others in our ‘village’ or teachers and coaches. Or it could be the trials and disciplines that God uses to help them become strong and resilient. The point is that we cannot control every aspect of our children’s lives if we want them to grow to a faith and trust in God.
Questions: Even at this young stage, do you allow God to work through the spirit and through others to take control of our child’s lives? Or are you helicoptering/hovering? Do you teach them to make good choices with us? Do you allow them to make mistakes so that they can learn to become resilient with God’s help?
Do you allow other godly people into your children’s lives to help teach, correct, train, and encourage them and to support you in raising them? We don’t always have the objectivity to give the right advice or guide them in the right way, and again, we need the village to help us.
Are you missing the joy of seeing your child grow into all that God has planned for them because you are trying too hard to control?
4) Joy in Letting Go.
Quite often, joy comes along with some sorrow. Our kids will make mistakes – sometimes big ones. Some won’t want to follow God. But do we trust that God loves our children best, and that he is watching for them? Are we joyful in knowing that they belong to him first and foremost, even when circumstances happen that make us question and struggle?
I always wonder what Mary thought as she looked at Jesus on the cross –
- He didn’t deserve this; he was a good boy.
- Did I do something wrong?
- Is God really in control? This can’t be right.
Mary was human, and I think she may have been tempted to struggle with these thoughts. In John 19 we read:
“Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
John 19:25-27
It is obvious that Jesus was looking out for his mother and making sure she was taken care of, even in his darkest hour. Even more, I think it was his way of reassuring her that everything would be alright in the end. He knew the entire plan that God had for him, but he knew that his mother, being human, would struggle with it. Therefore, he spends his last breaths letting her know that she would be taken care of and that everything would be fine. That God was truly in control of all things.
When we see our children going down a path we wouldn’t choose for them, our hearts need to remind us that God is in control of their lives. We can’t know the path or the circumstances they will have to face, but we do know that He will give them every chance to seek Him out and come to Him.
That’s the joy! It’s a shock to our reality to know that we can’t control or fix every situation with our little ones, but that God has them written in the palm of his hand (Isaiah 49:16) and he wants them to be near him as much as we do. Our joy is in his love for them and patience for them.
Questions: Do you pray for God to hold your children close as you let them go? To protect them in all their circumstances? Do you trust that what you have prayed will be fulfilled?
Conclusion
Sometimes it is hard to be joyful as parents, especially when we feel like we have so little control over the world. But Jesus tells us:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
Our joy can overcome any difficulties we can have when it comes to being great moms. God is for us, and he will give us exactly what we need, if we only resolve to be joyful!