A Haverim Approach for One Another Discipleship

A proposed approach to use the haverim concept for transitioning to “one another” discipleship.

¹⁹ “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Matthew 28:19 NIV

Defining Discipleship

Jesus’ last command to his disciples before ascending to heaven was to “go and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19 NIV). Disciples are learners, and Jesus wanted his disciples to teach others to obey everything he commanded. Jesus and his followers defined discipleship as the process of making others into disciples of Christ and teaching them to obey what he taught. Discipleship was a key element of the early church, and is an important part of our church life today.

²¹ They preached the gospel in that city and won a large number of disciples. Then they returned to Lystra, Iconium and Antioch, ²² strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said. ²³ Paul and Barnabas appointed elders for them in each church and, with prayer and fasting, committed them to the Lord, in whom they had put their trust.

Acts 17:21-23 NIV

The apostles appointed by Jesus carried out his great commission diligently. Not only did they “go and make disciples”, they provided for “teaching them to obey everything” Jesus commanded. Paul and Barnabas followed up on their first missionary journey by going back to cities where they made disciples to strengthen them. This included appointing leadership to make sure discipleship was practiced in the churches. Many of these leaders likely oversaw small groups in homes (Romans 16:5 for example), which we sometimes call “house churches”. (Note: in the Hampton Roads Church we are adopting the term “house church” as the name we use for small groups. Small groups are sometimes called house churches below.)

Group Discipleship and One-on-One Discipleship

Like Jesus’ twelve, many of us mainly experience discipleship in small groups. Small group discipleship usually involves a Bible-based discussion led by the small group leader, typically a few times a month or weekly. Group discipleship can help us grow through teaching a topic relevant to the whole group, and through group members sharing their challenges, convictions, and victories related to the topic.

In many of the congregations in our movement, discipleship has effectively moved from predominantly one-on-one to the group discipleship approach. In some cases, the shift was in response to issues with one-on-one discipleship that were highlighted during the early 2000s. For many, having a “d time” had taken on negative connotations, effectively considering the “d” to stand for “disciplining” time rather than one of “discipling” and discipleship as defined in Matthew 28 above.

When one-on-one discipleship doesn’t include a group discipleship element, teaching can depend on the maturity and opinions of those in the discipling relationship. The one leading the discipleship time, or the “discipler”, should call the one receiving input to “follow my example as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1 NIV). Without proper accountability, this can lead to pressuring the disciple to obey what the discipler commands and not necessarily what Christ commanded. This is one of the reasons many abandoned one-on-one discipling to instead focus mostly on group discipling.

However, problems can also arise when group discipleship doesn’t include one-on-one discipling. It can be more difficult to deal with deeper issues involving sin, marriage problems and other sensitive areas that are difficult to discuss in the group setting. When these issues are addressed as a group, it can be difficult to properly follow up individually on repentance and sticking with convictions. Another problem is that the bulk of responsibility for making and strengthening disciples falls on the group leader, especially when issues are not dealt with quickly.

When individuals have challenges or are in sin that doesn’t get discussed in the group, their issues can become more complex and harder to resolve. They sometimes struggle to deal with the issues on their own until the situation gets worse and beyond what they can handle. Other times they reach out to another member of the group for help, but the group structure doesn’t promote regular individual follow-up for encouragement and accountability for repentance or sticking with a conviction. In some cases, rather than dealing with the issue quickly, the situation gets worse, leading to the group leader needing to dedicate time and attention to the individual or individuals in need. In some cases, issues become ones with serious consequences and the need for intervention, counseling, or even church discipline. Effective one-on-one discipleship should promote dealing with issues quickly and provide better individual follow-up.

“One Another” Discipleship

While group discipleship has many benefits, one-on-one discipleship provides ways to meet individual needs that can be difficult to meet in group settings. One-on-one discipleship can be very effective in making disciples, but without group discipling it can lack balance and promote poor discipleship practices. There is a need for both group and one-on-one discipleship.

The New Testament has many “one another” passages. The Greek word translated as “one another”, allelon (ἀλλήλων), is used 100 times in the New Testament. About half are instructions to the church as a group and about half to individuals. The disciples in the early church made disciples not only with group discipleship, or only with one-on-one discipling, but through “one another” discipleship. To have healthy small groups, we need to encourage elements of both group and one-on-one discipleship by building “one another” discipleship practices.

Haverim Groups and Discipleship

In the past few years, we’ve seen how haverim groups can take group discipleship to another level, with deeper study of the Bible by haverim members, along with development of strong relationships through nearly daily contact (most of our haverim formats involve daily read, talk and pray sessions during weekdays only). The haverim groups have formed and grown organically, but few have formed from members of the same house church. However, if applied in a small group setting, haverims can provide a way to move toward “one another” discipleship.

The haverim approach has highlighted the benefits of a small number of disciples spending time together frequently. Our experience is that four to six participants is most effective, and our general practice has been to meet every weekday. This has allowed not only deeper Bible study, but has resulted in the strengthening of relationships. Haverim groups have many of the strengths of larger house churches but are small enough to encourage attention to individual spiritual needs seen with one-on-one discipleship.

A Haverim Approach for “One Another” Discipleship

The haverim concept can help small groups to better incorporate “one another” discipleship. Below is a suggested approach for transforming group discipleship-focused house churches into ones with balanced “one another” practices.

In 2020, before the Hampton Roads Church adopted haverims and the New Testament reading plan, my haverim studied various topics in the Old and New Testaments. One of those topics was an overview of the “one another” passages over a four-week period. A pdf of the scriptures we used is available here.

The “one another” outline can be used to transform your house church culture toward a “one another” approach. This will require the small group to meet regularly for group discussion/discipleship times, and for pairs of disciples to have short one-on-one contact during weekdays. The goal is to promote better Bible study and deeper relationships from one-on-one times while maintaining the unity, teaching, and encouragement from group gatherings.

Haverim Plan

• For weekdays:
  • Encourage those who are able to meet together each day to discuss the day’s passage from the “one another” reading plan. Ideally, this should be pairs of brothers or sisters but could be a small three- or four-person haverim.
  • The weekday times together should include reading the passage, discussing it, then praying, just like the general “read, talk, pray” approach used for haverim groups.
  • There may be group members who can’t commit to a regular time for whatever reason. Encourage them to read and meditate on the passage each day. They should then text or talk with someone else in the group daily to share one way they can apply the scripture.
• Once a week:
  • Bring the group together to discuss what they’ve learned about each group of “one another” scriptures. If your current schedule for group meetings is once a month or every other week, use that regular time for the discussion. If possible, find a way to meet every week, but if not, then encourage the pairs or small haverims to share their insights with the full group, possibly via an app like GroupMe or Slack.
• At the end of the four weeks:
  • Have a discussion in your house church about what you’ve learned about “one another” passages and from meeting together in pairs or smaller groups during the month.
  • Continue including group and one-on-one elements in your house church.
    • This can be done by continuing the pattern from the “one another” month using a reading plan. If your church has a plan, use that, or consider using the Hampton Roads Church 2021 or 2022 plans.
    • Other plans from my haverim group are available in the haverim resources section of BentonBlog.
    • Another possibility is for the house church leader to choose five passages used during the Sunday worship lesson as the scriptures for that week.
  • Build on the momentum of this four-week plan to encourage group members to meet for “one another” times. This includes having more one-on-one times with another group member if that wasn’t previously part of your house church or small group. As a group leader, aim to balance group and one-on-one times to better practice “one another” discipleship

Note for marrieds-only small groups: the above plan could be applied with pairs or small haverim groups of couples. However, some of the times together should be planned for brothers and sisters separately.

Also, note that another reading plan can be used instead of the “one another” haverim plan. The goal is to have group members make contact to “encourage one another daily” (Hebrews 3:13 NIV) in one-on-one pairs, if possible.

Concluding Thoughts

By using a haverim approach and spending four weeks reading, talking, and praying about “one another” passages, you can move your small group toward “one another” discipleship. The approach includes elements from both group discipleship and one-on-one discipling. The key is to find a balance where the needs of both the group and each individual are being met.

If most of the responsibility has been on you as the group leader, then use the haverim approach to encourage individual members to shepherd each other in pairs or smaller groups in your house church. As Paul told the Romans, they were able to practice “one another” discipleship because they were “full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another” (Romans 15:14 NIV). Your small group can become a “one another” group, practicing the best of both group and one-on-one discipleship.

I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another.

Romans 15:14 NIV