Resolving Conflict Midweek Lesson – More Information and Slides

Men’s Midweek lesson – Hampton Roads Church Southpeake Region – September 13, 2022

Lesson Slides

These are the slides I used when teaching about resolving conflict at the Southpeake region men’s midweek service. Also, see my Resolving Conflict Series 2019 blog posts for more information, and read the questions and answers that follow the slides below.

Please contact me if you have questions, or if you’d like me to deliver this message to your men’s group in person or via zoom.

Other Thoughts

After the midweek, I received a few questions about conflict. Here are some additional thoughts that address some of the questions.

Can a conflict be more than one of the types discussed in the lesson?

Often conflict involves multiple types of interactions. A difference of opinion can lead to relationship issues where trust is broken or angry words are exchanged. This can then lead to sin, perhaps slandering or gossiping about the person.

How should I address conflict if it involves many types?

For situations that involve multiple types of conflict and sin is involved, repentance needs to take priority. Repentance enables those in conflict to better reach forgiveness to resolve any relationship issues. If repentance and forgiveness are reached when needed, then opinions can be discussed without as much conflict in order for all to find unity. It can be very difficult to find unity when there is a lack of forgiveness and repentance. And even though forgiveness should not depend on a person’s repentance, the goal of repentance is important to avoid further sin and hurt in relationships.

How do I know when to bring someone else along to help resolve a conflict?

In Matthew 18, Jesus encourages us to confront sin directly, “just between the two of you” (Matthew 18:15 NIV). The principle of dealing with things directly is helpful for all types of conflict. However, there will be times that you are unable to resolve the conflict directly. At that point, you’ll need help focused on resolving the issue. Too often we start the process backward, going to leadership first, or talking about the issue with others. This can lead us to gossip and further lack of trust between us and the other person in the conflict. Here are a few times you’ll need to bring in others:

• if you’re part of the conflict, in other words, the other party might feel that you also sinned or are causing part of the conflict,
• if you are not making progress in resolving a conflict, or it’s progressed from a difference of opinion to relationship issues and/or sin, and
• if the situation threatens someone’s faith/salvation, relationships, or safety/health (substance abuse, etc).

There are times when the issue may be beyond your capabilities or expertise to resolve, as with the third point above. In the case of someone harming themselves, as with substance abuse, or needing help for mental health issues, it is important to seek professionally trained help. Unless you have received professional training and certification in a medical or mental health specialization, you should humbly help the person get help and not rely on your experiences or personal education on these topics.

What about conflict situations between church leaders, or between leaders in different congregations?

In the International Churches of Christ, congregations have agreed to run independently but in cooperation with other ICOC congregations. As a family of churches, we recognize that this means we will often have differences of opinions and relationship issues to resolve. Also, being human, we will always have sin that requires repentance.

The Elders Service Committee, part of the governance of the ICOC churches, has initiated a Conflict Resolution task force. This team of trained leaders has helped many congregations to resolve leadership and inter-congregational conflicts. If you feel your church leadership is struggling with conflict with others in your church, seek out the elders of your congregation. If your congregation doesn’t have an active eldership, then reach out to elders in another congregation for advice. We should do our best to resolve things locally first, but resources are available outside of your congregation when help is needed to resolve conflict.

Where can I get more information on resolving conflict?

One resource for understanding and resolving conflict is the blog series here on BentonBlog – Resolving Conflict. A classic Bible-based book on conflict resolution is “The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict” by Kevin Sande. See his Peacemaker Ministries website for other resources related to the book. See also a great article on conflict resolution on Disciples Today.