Covey’s book lists the sixth habit as synergize, which means to combine all the habits to make everything better.
For parents, we need to realize that it’s not an individual race, but a team sport. We need to talk about parenting with our spouses, read about parenting and attend groups that focus on biblical parenting, like the FITs (Fathers in Training) and MITs (Mothers in Training) classes in the Montgomery County church and others.In the book Owning Faith, the authors present research on what helps teens make a successful spiritual transition to college and adulthood from the National Study of Youth and Religion. There were three important findings:
- Parents and Adults are the primary influencers of spiritual formation = A study found that parents and adults are the primary influencers and the common perception that it is their peers is “badly misguided”.
- Youth Ministry programming is important – From the book: “religious congregations that offer teenagers organized youth groups – particularly those with full-time, paid, adult youth group leaders- seem to make a significant difference in attracting teens to attend congregational religious services. Well-developed, congregational-based youth groups with established youth leaders likely provide teens who lack parental support appealing doorways into and relational ties encouraging greater religious participation in the life of religious congregations”. As parents, we need to support and help serve in events for our teens!
- Teenage Spirituality is a reflection of adult spirituality – As mentioned before, teens learn from seeing the adult community around them. If we focus on loving God, God’s grace, serving others and reaching out to the lost, they will see that these are important to us and expected to be part of the community.
The key finding here: the adult community. When this involved 5 adults other than parents for adult mentoring in a teen’s life, they were far more likely to succesfully stay faithful to God than if it was 4 or less.
Ask: How many spiritual adult role models are in your child’s life? who are they? They probably include and my be limited to: Bible class leader, babysitter, parents of their friends from church, etc.
What about outside of the spiritual realm? These can include teachers, tv / sports stars, musicians, etc., which is probably a much larger number than the first list.
We need to build communities of parenting to help each other with the responsibility we have to raise Godly children.
Practical: Find five mentors for each of your childen from among your spiritual friends. This should include parents of their friends and others from your congregation that you know are good role models, but can include neighbors and friends outside of church if you know and trust their convictions.
Note: book reference above: Owning Faith: Reimagining the Role of Church and Family in the Faith Journey of Teenagers by Dudley Chacey and Ron Bruner