In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul is replying to questions posed to him by the Corinthian church about marriage, and whether it is better for men (and women) to remain single. Paul’s answer does not quote a command from God. Rather, he is rendering an opinion based on his knowledge of Christ’s word and through inspiration from the Holy Spirit.
In v32-35, Paul states: “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world – how he can please his wife – and his interests are divided. And unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
Is Paul saying that it is preferable for someone to be single rather than be married? Is he suggesting that a married person cannot be devoted to God? I believe he is suggesting neither. Paul does not imply that either marriage or celibacy is commanded by God. Rather, each one has its benefits and its drawbacks, and each individual must know his or her strengths and struggles in order to determine which state is better. He does note, though, that being single is neither a disadvantage nor a curse. It is, instead, an opportunity to devote oneself body and spirit to pleasing God who gave his all for us. So…as a single in God’s kingdom, how are you devoting your body & spirit to God? Is your life pleasing to Him?
Your singleness is a unique opportunity. Once you are in a relationship or married (with or without children), your interests are divided because of your many roles. If you are a leader, there are even more roles and obligations to consider. When you are no longer single, you cannot truly devote yourself to God at the same level ever again. God blesses whatever stage we are in, but He expects us to use our gifts and talents at every stage of our Christian lives to his glory.
You are a Gift to God
There are three areas in which you can devote yourself and your single status to pleasing God:
1)Your relationship with God.
Mark 12:30-31 says that the greatest commandment is to, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Farther down in the passage in v33, Jesus says that loving God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices. NOTHING is more important to God than our love for and devotion to Him.
As a single, you have the opportunity for the greatest, most focused, richest relationship with God you will ever know. Your quiet times and prayer times can be longer and deeper. You can read books, study out different topics, or grow your prayer life to a level where it has never been. Are you using your time wisely, getting to know God in the most intimate way? How are your quiet times challenging you and helping to mold Christ in you? If you are not changing or growing in Christ, get some help and ideas about how to use this time in your life to its greatest advantage spiritually.
2)Your life and time.
Ephesians 5:15-17 warns us to “Be careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.” Are you living wisely or foolishly? Though you may not be living a foolish and sinful life, are you making the most of every opportunity that God gives you? Are you using the gifts and talents he has given you to glorify him? Do you see being single as an opportunity or a burden?
As a single, you have the opportunity to plan your time without the need to coordinate and schedule with someone else. There are countless ways to give to the Kingdom, your local congregation, and your community. Consider taking a one-year challenge to help out another congregation or campus ministry. Volunteer for a HOPE Brigade/Volunteer Corp (they have scholarships through HOPE available for this!). Not only would you be serving God, but you would also be traveling to different parts of the world with other disciples, building great relationships while you serve the poor and needy. These trips are usually one to two weeks in length, and it is guaranteed that your heart will be moved and changed through the experience. You can find details about all the opportunities at disciplestoday.com.
If you aren’t able to travel great distances because of financial constraints or other obligations, you can visit other congregations (especially new plantings) to encourage them, and to make new friends. You can also become invested in a community-service project that is close to your heart, join a book club, train for a road race with a group, or maybe even run for an office in the community.
How are you using your free time? If God looked at your schedule, would He agree that you are making the most of every opportunity? Think about your life and responsibilities practically and decide if there is a niche you can fill for God with your time and energy.
3) Your outreach.
In Colossians 4:5, Paul reminds us to, “Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders, making the most of every opportunity.
There it is again – “making the most of every opportunity”. How are you using your opportunity as a single to build new relationships and help those around you to hear the gospel of Jesus? Along with reaching out to people as you go, you have the time available to you as a single to forge new relationships with co-workers, neighbors, and other people you see frequently.
Have people into your home for dinner or to an open house or game night. Organize a neighborhood walking group or book club. Have a wine and cheese party or a dessert tasting. Nothing needs to be huge or expensive, and inviting other disciples to join you can make the event even warmer (and less stressful for you!). If you are feeling insecure, get advice from older women who can teach you skills and strategies to ‘de-stress’ your efforts to reach out.
Now, you may be thinking (especially if you are a single parent), “This is too much – how do I do it all?” Let me encourage you – you don’t have to. Obviously, your relationship with God always needs to be growing and moving forward. If you can do nothing else because of your work schedule or other responsibilities, you can still work daily to be closer to God.
As for the other areas – you simply need to do something to take advantage of the opportunity that God has given you of being single at this stage of your life. Maybe you are fearful to step out on your own. No problem. You can ask some other singles for ideas, support, or help. Reach out to the older, married women for help. If you can reach out once or twice a month as a single parent, and 3-4 times a month as a single, you are glorifying God with your life.
Conclusion:
Finally, remember to Rejoice Always (Philippians 4:4). There are probably many times you don’t feel as if it is a joy to be single. Loneliness, insecurity, and fear can take hold. However, if you listen to what (and whom) you know instead of what you fear (always from Satan), you can feel the peace that God calls you to have. Which seems more logical and profitable to you (and to God) – focusing on what you are not, or focusing on what (and whose) you are?
Philippians goes on to say that in our rejoicing, our gentleness should be evident and we should not be anxious because we are in prayer. This is how we arrive at that state of peace that transcends understanding. God’s love and our value to him are without end, and if you let that be enough, every moment of your life as a single will be richly blessed.